Sleepless night
by katie666
Summary: [Kakashicentric] It's a night after Naruto's department. What will Kakashi do after losing hiss team again? Ghosts, temple and forgottent techniques.slight AU
1. Farewell

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Hello, everyone, this is my first fic so don't sue;) To be honest, I've wrote it because I was fed up with all those stories where Kakashi is such an inactive emo-boy. I wanted mighty Kakashi and a happy ending!!! And here you go. It's angsty but better in later chapters. R&R but please, be gentle.

'So Kaka-sensei, do you have any advice for your future boss?' said Naruto with a sneaky smile. 'Ya know, you really should start being nice to me, so that I won't make you work in mission room!'

The man couldn't help but to chuckle after hearing such statement. 'Well actually I do.'

'Really? Tell me! Tell me!' Naruto cried with curiosity.

'All right but come closer. It's only for your hearing' Kakashi leaned slowly so his masked lips were now close to the boy's ear. 'Eat vegetables, Naruto.'

'What?!' yelled the teenager. 'I thought you were going to be serious!'

Kakashi grinned 'But I was, Naruto. You know, you've really got stronger since our first meeting. And I know that you're soon going to be even more powerful'.

'Therefore, I'm pretty sure that you and Jirayia can handle with everything except, of course, healthy food. This is why I mentioned it' he explained smoothly, grinning even more when he saw this ex-student's blush.

The truth was that Naruto's cheeks were red as tomato and he was totally speechless (for the first time during last hour, mind you). Still a bit puzzled after being so praised, he only managed to say 'Um, thanks, Kakashi-sensei.'

'Maa, at your service, Naruto-kun.' said jounin with amusement and scratched boy's hair.

'Take care of yourself' he added a bit more seriously. Naruto looked at him with determination and nodded.

'Well, it goes also to you, brat. Watch out for yourself.' It seemed that Jiraiya finally finished his heated discussion with Tsunade about report frequency, and now was speaking to Kakashi.

The younger man smiled underneath his mask 'Yeah… you too … Ji-san'. The Toad Sannin looked at him with surprise when he heard an old pet-name. Kakashi just smirked and continued 'I wish you good luck', he looked at Naruto, sighed and said with a mock pity, 'You're really gonna need it'.

'Hey, just what do you mean?' growled Naruto.

'Hush, hush, kid, I was kidding.'

Jirayia lifted up his rucksack and checked the sun's position 'Well, I suppose, we should go now. Ready, Naruto?'

'Sure, anytime' the blond grinned. 'You'd better start preparing the Kage clothes for me, Tsunade-baachan!'

The Godaime raised her eyebrow 'Yeah, super-small ones?' she laughed when she saw Naruto's insulted expression, 'You still have a long way to go. Do your best' she added and lifted up a thump.

'Yeah, do your best Naruto!' said Sakura.

'Ha, I will! See you!' the blonde exclaimed and joined Jiraiya. The remaining three watched them until they disappeared in the forest.

'So, this is it.' said Tsunade after a while. 'Kakashi, Sakura, follow me to my office'.

Kakashi shrugged a little. After all he'd been expecting it for a while

* * *

In the Hokage Tower Tsunade sat behind her large desk and looked through the window. It was a bright day and even there they could hear how villagers were enjoying the weather. 

The woman sighed and smiled a little 'Eh, it's only a few minutes and the village seems much quieter' she turned back to Kakashi and Sakura.

'But now the business' she gazed at the silent two, her eyes suddenly serious 'I know you expect it, while it's so obvious, but we still have to do it formally' she straightened up.

'Due to latest events I've decided to dissolve Team 7'

Kakashi nodded but remained silent. It was Sakura who asked 'Is it … permanent, Tsunade-sama?'

Jounin looked at her, positively surprised at her choice of words _'I thought she would say temporary. Smart girl, she feels what's going on'_.

'Yes' and she didn't have to add anything more. They all knew situation and cruel reality of shinobi world. Even if they managed to bring Sasuke back, nothing would be the same.

Tsunade continued 'As you may know, Kakashi, I've accepted Sakura as my apprentice so you will be pulled back into regular Jounin ranks'

'Hai' he said reading between lines that he would not have another gennin team once he had so terribly fucked up with this one.

'You're free now; I'll call you if I have some mission for you. Sakura, tomorrow be here at 7 o'clock. That's all for now' she said and started sorting the mass of papers covering her desk.

Kakashi and his ex-student made their way out. The man was quite amused by the red shade of her cheeks.

'_Kami-save, did she really think I'm blind and deaf? Ah, even my student lost her faith in me. On the other hand, it is only my fault, isn't it?' _

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Sakura's voice.

'Sensei?' He looked at her with interest but said nothing.

'I wanted to tell about this, I really did. It's just I wasn't sure…'

'How to say that you're abandoning me?' He could see that girl's cheeks got even redder and burst into laugh.

'_Well, I've made two of my students blush in one day; it's a good score.'_

'Maa Sakura-chan. I was just kidding, there's absolutely no need for you to feel guilty' she looked at him, still uncertain. 'You know, I was excepting this.'

'Really?' disbelief was clear in her voice.

'Yeah, really. I've just read underneath the underneath. I'm not your teacher any more, but please, don't underestimate me, 'kay?' She smiled and nodded.

'Besides, if you hadn't asked Tsunade by yourself, I would do it.'

'You would? But why?'

Kakashi just chucked 'For the same reasons you have. We both know that your genjutsu abilities are exceptional. And I'm not an expert at this stuff. Therefore, to awake your full potential, you just need a new teacher. Tsunade-sama is the best one, so it's the only choice which makes sense.'

'Yeah, I guess so. And, ekhm, thanks that you're not angry.'

'Angry? On my beautiful and super-intelligent kunoichi? Nah, never.'

She giggled a little. 'You're good at flattering.'

'Ah, but it's just a pure truth. You're the strongest and most talented among all rookie kunoichis and I'm proud that I could be your sensei … even if it hadn't last long.'

His visible eye row curved into a very familiar crescent. 'You've got also lot of courage … to walk probably the most difficult path shinobi can choose. However, I've got faith in you … and so does Tsunade, because she wouldn't accept you other way. So make sure to do your best, 'kay?' he asked as he ruffled her hair.

'Sure' Sakura grinned 'You, too, Kaka-sensei … or me and Naruto will beat you to the ground next time',

'Ha, don't be so sure Sakura-chan.'

'Well, I think I gotta go now. See you around sensei.'

'Till the next meeting' he waved her for goodbye while checking his mental list of activities

'_Well, let's see … a farewell to Naruto and Jiraiya who I won't see for over two years? Checked. Praising Naruto? Yup, checked as well. An official announcement of Team 7's break up? Checked. Praising Sakura? Checked. _

'_Well, it's pretty everything. Finally' _he sighed heavily,_ 'Hell, now I can go and find some nice, peaceful place... where I could scream and beat myself to death.'_

* * *

Like any other shinobi village, Konoha was surrounded by mass of training grounds. This particular one was situated rather far away from the center and considered as pretty tough. 

There were a few animals living in the bushes -only those with suicidal instincts; the rest was killed by flying shurikens or wisely moved to more peaceful areas. Nevertheless, the remaining fauna – two squirrels, a snake, a family of sparrows, a hedgehog and one almost deaf fox – was used to groups of crazy jounins and even more insane ANBU members who wanted to forget about recent missions.

However, that afternoon there was only one silver-haired man. The animals silently witnessed his attempts to knock himself to the ground. But after hours of kicking trees and punching logs, even those veterans began to feel nervous.

Entire ground was covered by blood and the man's attacks seemed even more desperate. If any animal dared to come closer, it could hear that shinobi started talking to himself – and it's never a good sign, is it? Between following punches there were almost inaudible hoarse whispers.

'If only I had listened to Gai or Iruka before exams… (kick) Sasuke would have never encountered that damn snake-pervert'.

'If only I had tried more…'

'If only I had spent more time with them…'

'If only I had defeated Itachi'. (kick and then the log was broken)

'If only I weren't so closed.'

'If only I weren't so stupid.'

'If only I weren't so pathetic.'

'If only I weren't so weak … so fucking weak'.

His hands instinctively moved to kunais but he forced them to let go. _'Ibiki's far too perceptive for this'_

But as he continued training, pain, fury and self-hatred grew stronger, simply to much for human to bear. He had a very little choice left. And so…

'Tough Kage-Bunshin no Jutsu!' the man screamed and his three copies appeared in a puff of smoke. 'Heh, let's play guys'.

It had been really long time once the animals saw such ruthless battle. Kakashi definitely wasn't holding back. And by pushing in an extra amount of chakra he made sure that clones could deal even with strong attacks.

After a while…

'Chidori!'

A sound of thousand birds that had brought death to so many people.

The man run with unexpected speed, reached the first clone within a second and sliced it with chidori. Then the second and the last one.

3 perfect hits.

3 perfect holes in the middle of chests.

'Ah, the beauty of masochism' he smirked while breathing heavily. He knew it wasn't healthy but somehow, it always made him feel better. He deserved that pain. Still gasping, he managed to stand up. He closed his eyes 'Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!' …

The last sunrise fell on exhausted man lying on the ground. He had to repeat that particular action 3 times to get rid of all emotions, which held back his attention from real problem

His broken team.

His kids.

When the sun finally hid behind the forest, Kakashi created a plan.


	2. Ghosts and candles

Shinobi are people surrounded by death. Ghosts of their victims haunt them constantly, making sure that they would always remember.

There are a few typical ways of dealing with them, like drowning mind in alcohol, training till you snap or accidental sex with strangers. Kakashi had tried all of them many times but gained nothing, except huge mental and physical hangover.

Instead of this, he elaborated his own way of handling with ghosts- he exorcized them.

Back in his tiny apartment, the jounin took a shower and changed clothes. His regular uniform was now replaced by soft black yukata with a small emblem of Hatake family on its back. He took his bag and starred through the window.

_'It's gonna be a long night.'_

* * *

Ninja, as well as soldiers, weren't known for their religiosity. After all, killing people for money wasn't appreciated by most of gods. Still, there were plenty of shrines in Konoha – usually visited by civilians, clients or those few shinobi who were old enough to think about their eternal soul. 

An old monk sighted and smiled towards the village. His shrine was situated on a mellow slope so he had a perfect view of almost half of Konoha. He always admired the beauty of night town – with all those colorful lamps, rush of people walking quickly to their houses and tipsy songs coming from bars.

All those noises mixed together, creating unique kind of music. The old man was standing calmly in front of dark building and listening to melody of evening, when he felt somebody's presence behind.

'Konba wa, Ojii-sama. Is the shrine still open?'

'It's always open for those who want to come, my son' came a gentle reply. The monk finally turned round and faced with a silver-haired man.

'Thank you. Could I put my bag here?'

'Of course, it's not a problem. I'll take care of it'.

The man made a deep bow and went to the shrine. The monk watched the village for the while and then went inside as well. The shrine wasn't very big, but even with plenty of altars, bas-reliefs and paintings, it still seemed spacious.

'_A perfect place for meditation'_ thought the old man with a little sense of pride since he had helped with designing and planning the interior. He looked round the temple to see how many worshippers there were. Even though it was almost dark – those few lamps actually emphasized shadows rather than removing them – he counted them immediately.

'_Not many'_ he sighed. Still, those few were better than none. He wandered around the temple, checking candles. As expected, he found the silver-haired man in front of one of smaller altars which was hidden behind big wooden column.

Respecting his privacy, the monk didn't come closer and only shook his head with disbelief; the metamorphosis of that man always astonished him. Outside he was strong, matured shinobi. But in the temple … he wasn't wearing his mask so the old man had no problems with reading emotions from his pale features.

Instead of killer, there was just a young man with beautiful boyish face and eyes of old man haunted by demons.

'_I will pray for you'_ he said mentally before walking away. It was all he could do.

* * *

Kakashi always appreciated the calm atmosphere of the temple. He wasn't quite sure why – maybe it was because of silk paintings of cranes, dark reddish color of wooden walls and altars, even darker in the light of candles, or because of candles themselves. 

Nevertheless, he was really found of that place – one of those few which actually provided him peace. The jounin pulled down his mask and bowed towards the altar starting his own small ritual.

He made a deep breath, stroke a special, very long match and lighted the first candle.

_The young rock – kunoichi, probably the first time in the battlefield. He was only six then – and she was his first victim._

'With all my heart and soul I beg your forgiveness for what I've done to you. I wish you happiness and joy in the afterlife. Rest in peace'.

Next candle_. A spy from suna. _'With all my heart and soul I beg your forgiveness for what I've done to you. I wish you happiness and joy in the afterlife. Rest in peace'.

_A rock-nin who thought that such small kid couldn't be dangerous '_With all my heart and soul I beg…'

_His partner who was too shocked to react in time _'With all my heart and soul I beg…'

_A woman in her min-twenties lying on the ground, with the snow was covering her blooded chest _'With all my heart and soul I beg…'

One by one, he lighted candles whispering his simple prayer for dead.

Light after light, memory after memory, prayer after prayer.

At the beginning his hands were shivering but during the third line of candles he began more calm.

_A small boy still hugging his plushie _'With all my heart and soul I beg…'

It hurt, it hurt every time, but Kakashi knew it should. Honestly, he would be the happiest person in Konoha if he could just erase all those memories, buried them under the thick layer of alcohol or something.

But the truth was that he knew it just wouldn't be right. He took their lives after all. He _should_ remember. And that's why he had come with this ritual.

To honor them.

Shinobi were people surrounded by death and ghosts – and he knew that they would never leave him. Always next to him wherever he would go, behind his back, in the boarder of eyeshot.

He smiled a little while lighting another candle. He was a man haunted by ghosts, but now, his ghosts became his companions.

Tw_o muggers, each with a hole from chidori '_With all my heart and soul I beg…'

His moves become smoother and more certain, his breath slowed down. He smiled again when he reached the last candle.

One thousand and one. A magical number, a symbol to express uncountable.

No one would be forgotten.

He bowed respectful in front of now brightly illuminated altar and whispered the prayer for the last time.

'With all my heart and soul I beg for your forgiveness for what I've done to you. I wish you happiness and joy in the afterlife. Rest in peace, my friends. And wish me luck.'

Kakashi stood there for a while, enjoying the rare feeling of peace. Then, he slowly walked to the main altar and lighted three more candles.

One for Naruto and Jiraiya's safety during their trip.

One for Sakura, to keep her determination.

And one for Sasuke.

* * *

Outsider the temple there was a cool breeze from the west. 

'I hope you've found what you had been looking for.'

'Indeed, thank you for your concern, Ojii-sama.' The silver-haired man paused, thinking about something. 'Could I take those flowers?' he waved at small flower-bed full of white and yellow flowers. 'I'll pay for them.'

'There's no need to, my son. Suit yourself.'

'Thank you again. Good night' shinobi bowed and disappeared in the shadow.

Kakashi walked down through the outskirts of Konoha. There was far less crowded and not so noisy. He passed by main gates of Hyuuga and Aburame mansions – that part of the village was traditionally inhabited by the most noble families.

He walked by now empty Uchiha compound and suddenly entered a shopping district, one of the most prosperous in Kanoha. Jounin walked quickly by a crowded street. Even though it was almost 10 p.m. there were still lots of people striding under the colorful neons.

He couldn't help but smile 'Ah, the only thing I've done well from the beginning to the end.'

He left the street and turned right to enter a grove; it was hidden behind large bank so nobody would coincidentally come in. Kakashi smirked and pulled down his mask again. He wouldn't need it here; he was home at last. The man took out another long match and a small bottle of oil.

'Hello everyone.'


	3. Fairies between the leaves

Autor's note: that chapter is rather short but don't worry, I'll make up for it in later ones.

A fourteen years old Kakashi was sitting in front of Jirayia. The older man watched him carefully. The teenager was a bit too calm and composed for his liking.

'Jirayia-sama, please stop looking at me like this'.

'Hmm, what do you mean, brat?'

'Like I was going to snap any minute. I'm okay'.

'If you say so' Jirayia of course wasn't convinced. The pup was far too good at hiding emotions 'So what exactly you want from me?'

'I want to ask for a favor' Kakashi said quietly. Jirayia just smirked. The kid may have really changed during past two years but still had visible troubles with asking for help.

'Ah and what could I possibly do for you, my young friend?' he teased a teenager. Kakashi somehow managed not to roll his eyes.

'You may not know but I turned fourteen a couple weeks ago. And due to my father's will I gained all rights to dispose family's estate and money'.

Jirayia raised an eyebrow 'Congratulations but what …?'

'Please, let me finish. I've considered it for a long time and decided to demolish all buildings and sell the grounds'

Jirayia chocked his sake. 'You're serious? You want to sell everything, even the main house?'

'Well, I want to demolish everything but you're right, I won't sell the main building' he paused. 'However, I won't also be able to live there again. And just I can't imagine that somebody else could. I have different use for it'.

'Mmm, and what exactly?'

'A forest'

'Fo… what?'

'A forest. To be precise, a grove. I want to plant a tree for the memory of each member of Hatake family'. The teenager looked seriously at him 'I'm the last one and I want to honor them properly'.

Kakashi smiled a little under his mask 'We live in a leaf village, after all. I thought it would suit well'.

Jirayia was startled 'Wow kid… I would never expect something like this. It's your idea?'

'Eee, yes. The general idea is mine but I…' he closed his eyes and swallowed 'I've talked with Rin a lot about it'

'Rin? That little medic from your team? But didn't she…?'

'Yes' Kakashi simply nodded and for the first time Jirayia could see how depressed and hurt the kid was. But it lasted only for a second.

'We discussed my idea. She said it was great that … that she was proud of me. Rin also suggested that I could put a plate on each tree, you know with name, and a small candle. She thought that it would look beautiful in the night… like there were fairies living among the trees**'. **Kakashi paused and looked at him questioningly. 'You also think so?'

Jiraiya scratched his spiky hair, confused. It wasn't exactly what he expected.

'Well. I suppose so. But still… you want me to help you with this? You know, I'm not good at stuff like gardening.'

'Gardening? Ah no, I've already found somebody, Sandaime-sama helped me'.

'That's great, so what with me?'

'Like I said, I want to sell everything except the main house. People can build there shops or something. But our servants should have priority to buy the ground if they are willing to. I want to find them,' he showed a list off names 'and ask about it.'

'Besides, I'd like to check how are they doing… and help if they have any financial problems. You know, with all that money I've just got…' he shrugged.

'Hmm, you've got too much to deal with? And just what sum we're talking about? You're sure you just want to give it away?'

'You don't have to worry. I can help all our servants and there still will be enough for me'. He wrote something on the back of his list and pushed it to Jirayia.

'You must be kidding me, brat. Really?!'

'Yeah, due to the latest bank report. You see, it's very trustworthy investing bank and they've managed our money well, even when father… didn't feel good. And they have plenty of branches in other countries so when there was the war, they just made business in more peaceful regions'.

'Kiddo, I really don't need an economy lesson. Just tell straight what do you want from me.'

Teenager made a deep breath. 'I want to ask if you could help me with finding those people.'

'Eh? And why can't you do it alone, Mr. Genius?'

Kakashi looked hurt 'I suppose I could find them, _eventually_, but I would take a lot of time. And I don't want to ask Sandaime-sama; he is so overworked recently. So I thought that you could go with me and check some files, you know, tax register or maybe medical data.'

Jiraiya was amused 'Ah, but this information is classified. Therefore your action is a little more than illegal.'

'Well, theoretically _yes_, but I don't want to use this information against them. I just wanna find them, say hello and perhaps give a nice sum of money. So it can't be that bad, can it?' Kakashi asked with pure innocence in his lone eye.

'It's a bit twisted way of thinking. But why won't you do it alone?'

'They won't show me any file. And I can't just break in – I don't know anything about bureaucracy and I wouldn't know where to search. You're one of famous Sannins, whole village knows you so no one will make any troubles if you say that you want to find somebody'.

'Hmpf, flattering won't lead you anywhere'.

Kakashi shrugged 'It's a fact. To be honest, I've considered using a henge and changing into you. But your, ekhm, style and behavior are too… original to copy, even by me'.

'Ha, of course you can't! I'm legendary Toad Summoner, the handsome warrior feared by all ninja and beautiful women because no one can resist my monstrous strength and unique charm!'

'… Yes, it's exactly what I'm talking about. So will you help me?' he asked hopefully.

Jirayia took the last gulp of sake. 'Sorry brat but I'm also very busy. It's too troublesome and I really don't like papers. Thanks for lunch'.

The teenager sighed and took out two bottles 'I thought that you wouldn't be willing. So I bought the best sake I could find – it's imported from Water country'.

Jirayia had stars in his eyes 'It's a _Fire Water_, isn't it? I've heard about it. Well in that case… but still, I should taste it before I will agree' he reached for the bottles.

'No way. I've heard too many stories about your hangovers. You can take this one' he gave him small bottle 'and I will give you the big one when you help me with my list'.

'You cheap bastard' Jirayia laughed hardly 'Ok, sign me in'

* * *

Kakashi walked slowly from one tree to another checking a level of oil in small candles, supplying oil if needed and lighting the candles.

Candles.

Kakashi's always worshipped those beautiful, shiny pieces of light. They reminded him of his mother's voice and father's smell; a sunny smile in his sensei's eyes, a laud laugh of Obito and Rin's soft chuckle.

_The will of fire._

Kakashi continued his slow walk through the grove. This place always calmed his down and gave an odd feeling of company. He was aware how weird it probably was; they were just trees, dear Kami, and even more – he was the one who planted them. Nevertheless…

He rubbed gently a plate with a name of "Hatake Mitchiru" carved on it.

'Auntie…' he smiled as memories started to fill his mind.


	4. Hatake family

**Mitchiru**

Sakumo scratched his head sheepishly 'Thanks Nee-chan, you're saving my life.'

A woman in her mid-thirties just laughed. 'You're exaggerating as always. Babysitting Kakashi-kun is actually a nice break from what I've been doing recently'.

The man looked at his four years old son cheerfully rolling on the grass with wolfs. 'Ah, I love him but he's quite handful, isn't he? And I promised him that we would spend this day together and learn some kata.'

'He was really miserable this morning when I had told him that I had to go on mission. Well, at least until he found out that he's gonna spend this day with you. He really admires you, Mitchiru.'

'Ha ha, and who doesn't?' the women waved her long white-golden hair.

'No, don't tell me … you're rejected another proposal?'

Mitchiru just pouted 'I had no choice … he was sooo boring'.

Sakumo sighed 'Well, some people would think that a 37-year-old woman should settle down, you know?'

She grinned wildly 'Oh really? I don't remember anyone saying something like this to me'.

'Sure, it's because you scare people to death' he mumbled.

'Beside' she completely ignored him 'why should I looking for somebody when I've got such wonderful guys right with me?'

'Ah, I'm flattered Nee-chan.'

'And who said I was talking about you? Anyway, you can go on your mission. I'll take care of Kashi-kun.'

'Mitchiru, you're the most beautiful, intelligent and gorgeous sister I've ever had. What will you do?'

'Rrright, I'm your sister, baka. Hmm, I think I'll show him whole farm. Father's gone to the village so we wouldn't disturb him. And then, because a promise is a promise, we'll practice kata'.

The second after she spoke those words, she was hit by small ball of sliver hair. 'Really?' the child exclaimed in her arms 'Auntie Mitchiru, you're the best!'

'But thank you Kakashi-kun' she chuckled. 'You've been eavesdropping from the beginning, haven't you?'

'Oh, I wasn't. I was just sensitli… I mean, sensitizing my hearing!' Both adults burst into laugh. Kakashi looked at them rather puzzled 'Did I do something wrong?'

Sakumo smiled and ruffled boy's messy hair. 'I think we're gonna have a serious talk when I come back, Kakashi. Remember to behave well, okay?' The boy nodded with seriousness of experienced old man. Mitchiru tried not to laugh again.

'I will do my best Dad … come back soon, will you?'

Sakumo smiled gently 'I will do my best, too. See you, Kakashi, Mitchiru' he waved them and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

'So Kakashi-kun, are ready for sightseeing?'

'Yes, yes!' The boy was jumping with enthusiasm. 'What are we going to see first?'

'Ok, come with me'. After two minutes of walking ( Mitchiru was walking; Kakashi did it in more hopping way ) they approached a corral.

'Ok, look. These are hens with chicks'.

'You mean they have babies? Wow, they are so yellow and fluffy, can I hold them?'

'Sure, but be very gentle, they were born just a few days ago.'

Kakashi reached through the net and a stroked the nearest chick. 'It's so soft Auntie! Is it boy or girl?'

'I have no idea; you have to wait to see. Female chickens are called hens and look that' she waved at group of hens in the corner 'and a male chicken is called cock and looks a bit different. Ah, there he is'.

'He's so funny with that red something in his head',

'We call it cockscomb. And look there are turkeys, gooses and there in the pond are some ducks…'

'Sugoi! They are great and so funny; is it why grandpa keeps them? To play with them?'

'Oh crap' she mumbled 'Well not exactly. You see, Kashi, we keep them because they're useful'

'Useful?'

'Um, yeah, sheep gives us wool and milk which we use to making cheese. And goats also give us milk; look there is one, but watch out he's quite moody. Anyway, hens give us eggs and gooses – feathers for pillows. And cows give us milk, too. And horses help in the field and…'

'Oh I understand how. And what with turkeys?'

'Oh crap, it's not my day … well the truth is that … we eat them'

'What?' the boy was paler than normally. 'You mean we… we will eat those turkeys and… and chickens … and … oh no, yesterday I ate a rabbit pie' he was green. 'I'm gonna be sick, Auntie'

'Hush, hush, Kakashi, it's not that bad. You have to think about it as a … uhm' Mitchiru scratched her hair 'Like … ah I know. It's like a bargain'

'Bargain?'

'Yeah. We give them food and shelter, take care of them when they're ill etc. And the animals work for us, give us food and when they're really, really old, very tired and want to rest- we eat them'

'Very, very old?' he made sure.

'Yup'

'And it doesn't hurt them?

'No, we're trying to be very gently'

The boy was still unsure. 'But they like being here?'

'I'm sure they do. Your grandfather truly loves animals and provides them the best care'

'Hmm … then, I guess, it's all right' he instantly cheered up. 'What are we gonna to see now?!'

'Uuf' she wiped her forehead 'Let's go and see cows'

'Yuppie! Real cows'.

They entered a barn where Kakashi's images about cows faced reality. He took a few steps back 'Um, Auntie? Why are they so big?'

'Maa, little Kakashi-kun is scared of some cows?'

'I'm not scared! But they're _giant_,' a few more steps to exit 'and seem to be angry, too!'

'Angry? Nah, they're just a bit nervous. I think it's their milk time'

'???'

'Come closer, I'll show you. You know we have to milk them regularly because it would hurt them if there were too much milk inside udders. Hey, wanna give a try?

'Um… I dunno.'

'Come on Kashi! It's not that difficult. Take another stool and sit next to me. Try to imitate me movements'

'Muuuu!!!'

'Not so hard boy'

'Sorry.' He trapped carefully the cow's back 'Sorry Mrs. Cow'.

A few minutes passed away.

'Ok, now drink it while it's still warm.'

The boy twitched. 'But it's smelly!'

Mitchiru laughed. 'It does not. You're just not used to fresh milk. Be a good boy and drink. It has lots of vitamins and protein.'

'And what are vitamins and that pro-something?'

'Oh shit. You're not doing it on purpose, do you?'

'Hm?'

She sighed 'Ok, speaking shortly, you're growing now, right?'

'Yes! I've recently grew up almost three centimeters!'

'Hey, that's quite impressive. And you see, protein is a substance that your body needs to grow up, to build your bones and muscles.'

'I didn't know! And what do vitamins?'

'Ah they are little tricky things which go around your body and make sure that everything works smoothly; you are healthier and grow up thanks to them'

'Sooo… if I drink milk, I'll be taller?'

'Sure. But… w-wait Kakashi! – not whole bucket at once!'

'Uh'

'Here, wipe your mouth and come with me'

'Where are we going? Are there more animals to see?'

'… I think we'll train now, okay? Your grandpa is coming back this evening so you have to learn some new moves to show him, right?'

'Yosh, let's go!'

Later at night.

'Uff, it has been a really long day. Now I know what he meant by saying _handful_' Mitchiru mumbled during preparing for sleep.

'I'm totally exhausted!' Suddenly her stomach growled 'Hmpf, it seems that hungry, too,' she grinned._ 'Well, one little night smack is nothing bad, is it?'_ she chuckled and went downstairs to the kitchen.

But there …

'My god, Kakashi s-stop, what are you doing?!'

She watched with horror as her beloved nephew sat behind the table, his little hand full of blood. In front of the boy laid a small knife with blooded blade. She tried to calm down.

'Kashi, you've cut yourself? But why?'

'Ah don't worry, Auntie, it's a really shallow cut it doesn't hurt at all!'

'But why, what did you want to do?!'

'Uhm, you said before that vitamins would make me taller. But I measured myself and I'm still the same! So I came here and tried to find some vitamins, you know in my blood 'cause you said that they move around my body, so I wanted to find them and ask if they could work quicker.' He looked at her with sadness. 'But I can't find any. Do they hide from me?'

Mitchiu's laugh was so laud that woke up half of mansion.

* * *

**Tetsurou **

Next tree was large branchy oak. 'Ah, Granpa, I miss our lessons. But don't worry … I remember most from what you told me.'

* * *

Kakashi waited patiently as his grandfather was making a tea. But the patience of 4-almost-5 years old boy was very limited, especially when he had to watch somebody contemplating a cup of tea. _A cup of tea._

They were sitting on the patio and watching Sakumo's training through the widely open doors of dojo.

'So…Grandpa… you said that you have something for me?' he tried to sound nonchalantly but failed completely.

'Ah, curious, aren't we?' Tetsurou smiled under his beard. 'And you surely know that a good shinobi is very patient, right, Kakashi-kun?'

'But Grandpa I _am_ patient! And I would be even more patient if you gave that thing already!'

The old man raised an eyebrow. Kakashi saw it and pouted.

'Besides, you told me once that curiosity is a good thing, because it leads to new inventions!'

'Using my own words against me? You're a truly smart young man' he ruffled boy's silvery hair. 'Wait here for me okay?'

'Yosh!' Kakashi grinned and watched as his grandfather walked to a large wooden closet, his prothesis tapping quietly.

At the beginning the artificial leg used to scare him a little; but grandpa was so smart and knew so interesting things so who cares if he had his left leg or not?

'Ah here you go Kakashi' the man gave him a long package wrapped up with blue and white silk.

'Can I really look what it is?'

'Ha ha, of course you can, it's the reason I gave it to you.'

The boy carefully unwrapped the package

'Wow Grandpa… it's so beautiful!' Kakashi's eyes were sparkling. He moved his hands over the katana's blade. 'So shiny…' he added dreamingly.

Tetsurou laughed- it seemed that Kakashi fund his first love.

'Well can I assume that you like it?'

'You're kidding me Grandpa? It's the best katana I've ever seen! Did you make it?'

'Yes, I made it almost six years ago, when I heard that I was going to have a grandchild.'

'Six years ago? ... W-wait, you mean you've done it for me?!' Kakashi exclaimed with hope.

'Yes, it belongs to you…I see that you like the present' he said as the boy was shinning like a mini-lantern.

'Of course I do! But why…?'

'Sit beside me Kakashi' he paused for a while. 'You see, a sword is heart of each Hatake. All members of our clan are unique and have different abilities…but they're still warriors of swords.'

'The blade embodies your will to serve our village… You put your heart in the sword…all your doubts, your fears and dreams… your love…and it becomes part of you, becomes alive, which is symbolised by white chakra' he looked seriously at his young grandson.

'And than, with pure mind and pure soul, you can fight for the glory of Konoha…'

'It's very important for you to understand, Kakashi. Shinobi rules say that you can't show any emotions, that you're just a tool. However, it's impossible to erase all feelings- they're your integral part and the thing that makes you a human.'

'Therefore, instead of removing emotions- we turn them into our advantage. Hatake's blades are so powerful because they hold our hearts; do you understand now, Kakashi?'

The boy remained silent for a few minutes and than nodded seriously 'Um, yeah, I think so'

Then he smiled 'Grandpa is it why you've become an armourer when you retired? Because swords are so important for our family?'.

'Yes, indeed. Now I can be sure that the swords we use are the best. Besides, it's a good hobby for an old man.'

'Oh Grandpa, you're not that old!'

Tetsurou laughed and tapped his head 'So young and already good at flattering.'

'I'm doing my best!' the boy grinned. 'But Grandpa… why did you do a katana for me? I mean, father uses tantõ and auntie Mitchiru has her wakizashi… So why was I given a katana?'

'You'd better had a tantõ?'

'Oh no, never! Uhm, I mean father's tantõ is all cool but…' he paused confused.

The old man smiled 'Well, let's just say that I had a good premonition, right?'

'Yup! Will you teach me how to use it? Please? Please?' he whined.

'Well, you're almost five so yes, we should start teaching you family movements and katas.'

'Yatta! I love you grandpa!' he hugged him with all strength.

'Yosh, yosh, Kashi-kun, you'll break my ribs! Besides, don't be so hasty. It's gonna be a really tough time for you…'

'I'll do my best!'

'…and lot of time will go by until you could use your katana'

'I will be patie… no, wait, you mean I can't train with my shiny, brand new katana?!!'

The old man laughed loudly. 'Kakashi look at yourself first. The sword is too big for you now!'

'It is?' he compared katana to his high (it was just a minimum difference) and sighed with disappointment.

'I guess you're right' than he grinned. 'But I'm gonna drink lot of milk and it will make me as tall as father!'

'Ha, that's the spirit!'

In the evening… 'Don't worry…'Kakashi put his katana carefully on the pillow. 'One day we will fight together… my preciousss...'

* * *

'You taught me so much…even though we spent so little time together,' he looked at the oak 'I wish could be as smart as you. If only I had listened to you back then…'

* * *

**Minako**

It was a cloudy day- almost as the weather decided to mourn with them. Tetsurou found his grandson sitting under a wild orange tree.

'Kakashi you shouldn't be sitting here. It's getting cold.'

The boy stared blankly at the sky. 'Father once told me that it was mother's favourite tree… But I don't remember it. I don't remember anything except her voice…she used to sing for me, you know?'

'Yes' he smiled. 'Minako was singing all the time. It's probably the reason why your first words were a fragment from some lullaby' he looked at the boy but his face remained still.

'It's just … I wish I had more memories of her. I really miss mother but… I've never truly known her so I don't know what I should feel and…' he paused.

'Kakashi, I know how difficult this anniversary is for you' he thought for a while. 'Bring your katana here, ok?'

The boy looked at him with surprise 'Um, sure, if you insist Grandpa.'

He went home and was back in just few seconds.

'Sit and take out the sword. You have practised as I told you, haven't you?'

'You mean with erasing fear? Yeah, I have.'

'And how it goes?'

Kakashi scratched his head 'Well, it's really complicated but I think I'm catching now.'

'I'm glad because we will practise something much more difficult now. Close your eyes try to think about your mother'

'M-mother? But…'

'I know it's hard, but concentrate. Try to remember everything you can…her voice, her songs, what you felt when you were together. You have it?'

'Yes… I think so'

'Ok, so now focus on more painful feelings- sorrow and sadness, the way you miss Minako… fear when you can't remember her face, anger that she's not with you… and envy, when you see other children witch their mothers.'

'Grandpa, s-stop it please. I can't… I can't hold it any more' the boy was trembling and tears were falling down his cheeks.

'I know, Kakashi. I know. Calm down. And now imagine that those feelings are moving from your head' he fondled boy's hair 'and heart' he gently touched boy's chest 'down to your hands and to the katana'

He observed Kakashi 'Can you feel it?'

'I'm sorry Grandpa…I just can't do this' he sobbed and tried to wipe off the tears.

'I thought so. But please calm down.' He hugged him tightly. 'Probably, you can't do this because subconsciously, you don't want to let those feelings go.'

'Eh? But Grandpa, I did try!'

The old man smiled 'Your mind may understand that, but your heart doesn't. You see, it's hard to get rid of such emotions because to some extend, they link you with the person you lost.

'Letting them go is the same as accepting the fact that you will never be together again.

Loneliness is the worst, the most rendering feeling of all; no wonder that it terrifies you.'

The boy sniffed.

'But I'll tell you a secret, you know?'

'Hmm, what secret?' he asked with a slight interest.

'You see, when you push your fear and sadness into katana, it vanishes from you. However, if you do the same with love or friendship, it helps you to fight but still remains within your heart.'

'They say that if you truly love somebody and he or she requites it, a strong bond is created. And that bond cannot be broken or lost. So you don't have to be afraid, because your mother's love will never deteriorate.'

'You promise?'

'Yes, I do' he said solemnly. 'Nevertheless, the reality is that you can't bring Minako back… so you have to be strong and move forward' he looked at Kakashi. 'I know how hard it is… all shinobi have to bear with the pain of loss someday… but this is why you should learn how to face it.'

He paused 'Are you ready to try again?'

The boy still seemed uncertain but nodded.

'Ok, so close your eyes and concentrate on your mother. Let those feelings fill you. I know it hurts…but remember that Minako loved you and wherever she is now, she still loves you and wants you to be happy. And now hold your katana…ready? Put all feelings into blade…let your mind become peaceful.'

Kakashi bitted his lip in concentration.

'Try to feel how they're leaving your hands and go to katana…and all the time remember about your mother's love.'

As grandfather had taught him before, Kakashi imagined a colourful tide moving around his body; black for fear, grey for sorrow and blue for grief.

He focused and slowly moved it to arms and hands. The cold touch of metal gave him more courage.

_Your mother loves you_

'_I love you too, Mum'_ a single tear fell on his cheek when he took a deep breath and pushed that tide down to katana. _'No more mourning… I've gotta be strong_.'

The tide was flowing through his fingers until its colour changed into bright brown _'Just like mum's eyes in that picture on father's desk.' _For a while he let himself enjoy the feeling of warmth and safety.

_There's no need to be afraid… that bond will never be broken._

'_I won't be afraid'_ he promised mentally and pushed sown the brown tide as well.

'Grandpa, I think I understand now! And look… it's really working!' Kakashi exclaimed with joy and surprise.

They were very small but clearly visible- little flashes of white chakra swirling around the blade.

'Kakashi, it's amazing… I've never thought you would be able to awake our chakra so early' the old man tousled his hair. 'You're a true Hatake, my grandson, a pride of our family.'

* * *

'Hatake's pride, eh? Are you still so sure, Grandpa?' 

Kakashi was now almost in the centre of the grove.

'You taught me our family techniques, you gave me katana and told how to deal with loss… almost as you knew what would happen' he sighed.

'But I rejected it, didn't I? After father's death I dissociated myself from everything connected with our family. I thought it proved that your rules were all wrong… even more- I thought they were stupid and naive. How foolish… just when I should have stuck to them like never before.'

He looked at the sky. 'But I just couldn't let go, you know? The hatred I felt was all that kept me composed.'

'After Obito's death I tried once again…there was somebody important I had to protect…But I failed miserably… and just gave up again. I wish I had been smarter… but maybe this is the right time to correct old mistakes?'

There were only three trees left. He lighted remaining candles.

"Hatake Sakumo"

"Hatake Minako"

'Mother, from what I've heard you must have been a wonderful woman, so cheerful and full of love for everyone… Your voice was always so warm… I want to thank you for this memory. You made me love music' he paused.

'You passed away before we truly could know each other… and it was one of those few cases when there is nothing I could blame myself for' he sighed.

'So the only thing I can feel is a pure longing… and a primal child's love' Kakashi smiled. 'I guess my feelings for you are still those of three-year-old.'

The man kneeled and put one flower under the tree 'I hope you're happy… and that you haven't stop singing. After all, you have the greatest audience ever.'

The last tree had no candle.

"Hatake Kakashi"

It was eerie, he knew it- almost as he had carved a tombstone for himself. However, in the same time it somehow comforted him. His tree would produce oxygen, give a shelter for animals and a shadow for people even many years after his death- and it meant that even with that blooded hands he still could do something useful.

It was a warming thought.

Kakashi climbed up the tree and sat on a branch. From that place he could hear muffed noises from the street. Those sounds combined with cold moonlight gave a truly spooky impression

He watched the clouds

_Your mother loves you_

_Your family watches you from the underworld._

'_Childish words to erase childish fears. Said to small kids who cannot bear with loss and loneliness.' _he sight.

* * *

'Kakashi, I'm afraid I've got bad news' Sakumo's eyes were full of pain. 

'D-dad, what happened, why are you home so early?' Something was wrong, utterly wrong.

Kakashi, Mitchiru was ambushed during her mission. She died during the fight.'

The boy gave him a blank look 'But Dad, auntie is so strong…she can't…she couldn't…'

'I'm afraid it's not all. Your grandfather…' Sakumo made a deep breath '... when he heard about it, his heart didn't bear. He had a heart attack. I'm sorry son' he hugged the boy.

'It seems that we're alone now.'

* * *

'Dad, where do dead people go? They don't stay in grave, right?' That thought scared him and Kakashi couldn't hold his tears. Sakumo fondled boy's cheek. 

'No, I believe not. Humans posses body and immortal soul; so when their body dies, the soul goes to underworld. They can watch you from that place and it's why we pray for them.'

'Is it a nice place?'

'Yes, it is a great place. I'm sure they are happy there so you don't have to worry'

'How do you know?'

'I can feel it' he gently hugged Kakashi. 'We must be strong, son. And because they're surely observing you, there's no holding back with training, right?'

* * *

'_All these years I've been constantly telling myself that death it's not the end… there is something that still exists…that I've finally believed in it. I so desperately _wanted_ to believe. The hope that we'll meet someday kept me in one piece… after all, you were watching if I'm keeping my promises…'_

Kakashi looked at the moon

'Although my faith is as strong as naive, I still don't have any proves to exemplify it…But if it's true, if you, my ancestors, are really watching… please lend me your wisdom and strength… so that I could become your pride and the name of Hatake would be never forgotten.'


	5. Graveyard

A graveyard was his last but one stop. Kakashi walked quickly between rows of white tombstones. It was night of settlement with past… so before he could start his examination of conscience, he had to give them a sign.

'Hatake Minako, beloved mother and wife'

We live to love you more each day

Kakashi kneeled, lighted a candle and put another white flower. 'Mother, although your body lays here, I've always felt that a part of you stayed with us in that orange tree.'

* * *

'_T__winkle, twinkle, little star_

_How I wonder what you are!_

_Up above the world so high.'_

* * *

'_Hush, hush little baby...'_

* * *

The man moved to the next tombstone and kneeled as well. 

'Hatake Sakumo, Konoha's White Fang'

There were no other signs- only a half-forgotten name, forever associated both with glory and a disgraced fall.

* * *

'Hey Jirayia, isn't he the smartest little ninja you've ever seen?!' Sakumo exclaimed with pride as Kakashi aimed all his mini-kunai perfectly to the target. 'He'll gonna be a top student in his class!'

* * *

'So kiddo, who is the coolest ninja ever?' asked a slight tipsy Jirayia. He and Sakumo just came back from a party celebrating the last victory over Suna. 

Kakashi jumped and hugged his father. 'You're awesome, Ji-san, but my dad is the best shinobi of all!'

'Huh?!'

The boy grinned 'But don't worry, it's just that difference.' He showed his pinky. 'You can still keep up!'

Sakumo and his friend laughed 'Sorry Jirayia, but it seems that Kakashi is my faithful fan.'

* * *

Those whispers were annoying, they followed him everywhere. 

_Have you heard about Hatake?... yes, during the mission in Earth…_

…_great loss for village…_

_What a shame…how can he still show his face here?_

…_failure…_

_Look, it's his brat, no wonder why he wears a mask…_

…_yes, his team mates._

_Such dishonour… against all shinobi rules_

…_abandoned mission…_

'_Dad, what have you done?'_

* * *

The boy knocked carefully to cabinet's door. 'Father, may I come in?' 

'Kakashi? It's very late, son. We'll talk tomorrow' Sakumo's voice was hoarse, so different from his usual cheerful, energetic tone.

'Um okay, good night.' But instead of going to his bedroom, Kakashi sat quietly next to the door trying to hear what his father was doing.

'_Dad, why won't you speak with me? There are so many questions I'd like to ask... why do you lock yourself in your room? Tell me Father!'_

'_What's the meaning of those gossips?'_

'_Why have you dismissed most of our servants?'_

'_Why no one comes here?'_

'_Why do your eyes look dead?'_

'_What happened on that mission?'_

'_Have you failed, Dad? But how could you? Aren't you as strong as Sannins? Didn't you always follow Hatake's code? Were you wrong?'_

'_Did you really break shinobi rules? Did you abandon your mission? But why, wasn't it your duty as Konoha's ninja? Did you betray our village'? _

'_Please, speak to me Father! Tell me that I'm wrong! Say that everything will be all right!'_

'_Please, say that you still love me... I don't have anyone else why are you turning back from me? Why are you leaving me?'_

* * *

On the floor, there was a body in lying in the pool of blood._ White yukata… white hair… crimson liquid… white and red…white and red…_

Kakashi fell on his knees.

'Father…'- it was all he was able to say, although inside, he was screaming.

'_Don't leave me, Father! Father!'_

"Dear son, half year ago I made a terrible mistake, which provide a great loss to our village.

I believe that it's the only way to regain honour and a good name of our clan. Please, forgive me. Sakumo"

'_Forgive you? There's no forgiveness for traitors, Father. You betrayed Konoha and shinobi rules. I won't make your mistakes.'_

_Shinobi is a tool for his village. _

_He can't show any emotions. _

_He lives to serve. _

'_I won't cry.'_

* * *

Kakashi shook his head in an attempt to block painful memories. 'Not yet' he told himself and walked to the next tombstone. 

'Kazama Yuki'

Being so lovely

Being so pure

Can only be being

forever.

'Yuki-sama, it's been a long time since my last visit here. Lots of things has happened… but don't worry, Naruto is in good hands now. Jirayia will protect him. And for Naruto himself… he's really much more mature, now…he started to resemble you and not only Arashi-sensei.'

* * *

'Rin, Kakashi, may I introduce you my fiancée, Kuchiki Yuki.' Both teenagers looked at brown-haired woman who smiled to them cheerfully. Rin immediately returned the smile. 

'Yuki-san, we're happy about your engagement. I'm glad that sensei finally decided to settle down,' said the girl.

'It's nice to meet you Kuchiki-sama,' the boy bowed formally. He felt a bit uncertain- the woman seemed ok, but he hadn't enough information to decide. On the other hand, his sensei was far better at reading people than him.

'Please, there's no need to be so formal. You don't know me yet, but I've heard about you a lot' Yuki laughed and Kakashi understood why his sensei chose her- she had the most beautiful laugh ever, a bit deeper than Rin's and softer than Arashi's.

* * *

'Good morning, Yuki-sama. I have a message for you from Arashi-sensei,' the boy gave her a note. 'Have a nice day.' He bowed and turned back. 

'But, Kakashi-kun, are you going out already? I'm baking a cake; don't you wanna stay?'

'Um, thank you for the invitation but I really should be going…'

'I understand… well, in that case I _want_ you to help me with baking. You won't refuse a service for your sensei's wife, now, will you?' she chuckled.

The boy sighed and followed her to the bright kitchen.

'You can take care of those nuts- cut them to small pieces, ok?'

'Hai, Yuki-sama.' Kakashi looked around, 'You have really nice kitchen' he added a bit shyly and fell silent. That statement used up all his conversational abilities.

After 15 minutes

'You aren't the most talkative, are you?' she said with smile. He scratched his head.

'I'm sorry…It's just I'm not really good at that stuff. Rin is far better with people… and Obito… he was very gregarious person, too.'

'Could you tell me something about him? I'd like to know a bit more.'

'Well, he was… he' the boy shook his head. 'Um, sorry. I think you should talk with Rin.'

'It's always a pleasure to talk with Rin-chan, but she's on a mission now. So would you start from the beginning?'

'Uh, if you insist, Yuki-sama.' he started talking and with small encouragement from Yuki, he talked for almost and hour- for the first time in years.

* * *

'Hello Kakashi-kun, what's a wonderful day, isn't it?' 

'Yuki-sama? It is uhm, nice to see you… but what are you doing here? I mean, it's of course an honour…'

'Ah, Arashi mentioned that you have a bad habit of ignoring doctor's orders so I'm just checking if you're home. Arashi would do it himself but he's buried in paperwork.'

She grinned 'Besides, I was really curious about your apartment.' The woman looked around 'It's so extremely clean… aren't you compulsive by a chance?'

* * *

'Nah Kakashi-kun, but you have to sing a Christmas song! It's the rule!' Yuki was unyielding. 

'That's right Kakashi. You have to do it unless you don't want your present' Arashi supported his wife.

Rin just grinned 'Don't be so shy… we won't laugh.'

The teenager felt surrounded but still didn't give up 'There's no way I would sing anything!'

Yuki pouted 'But I've been preparing those presents for so long- you want to say that you don't care?'

'Please, Yuki-sama… it's a blackmail.'

They just stared at him expectantly.

'Uh, okay okay, I'll sing' he sighted. 'But you would turn round.'

'Oh, you're so shy… it's sweet!' said Yuki but turned back as well.

'_Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul, with a corncob pipe and a button nose and two eyes made out of coal.'_

'Wow, Kakashi-kun, it was amazing! But why did you choose that song? I would never guess you like it.'

'I don't! It's so childish… but I don't remember any other and that one was on the radio whole morning!'

'So this is a problem! Don't worry I've got a song-book. Here you go!'

'Oh, crap' he mumbled.

* * *

Kakashi put flowers and a candle on the tombstone and stood up. It was more difficult than he thought- and it's gonna be only worse. 

'Ayaname Rin'

Love is your spirit in the sun

Strength is your legacy you left

Life is your essence never gone

Kakashi kneeled and caressed the letters of her name ' Rin-chan…'

He could never stay calm when he thought about her. 'I'm so sorry…'

* * *

'Um, here Kakashi-kun, let me heal your wound'

* * *

'Kakashi-kun, that was great technique!'

* * *

'Congratulations, Kakashi-kun… I've got a present for you… it's a medic pack'

* * *

'You come here, everyday?' 

'Yeah, I guess so.'

'I understand; I miss him, too.'

They fell silent for a few minutes. Finally, Kakashi spoke, 'R-rin?... I want to say … to say that I'm sorry,' he felt tears coming to stolen eye. 'I'm so terribly sorry…'

'Kakashi-kun… why so suddenly? Do you blame yourself?'

'Of course I do! It's all my fault!' _'What's with that weird look of her?'_

'Kakashi, I've wanted to ask it before but…' like he, she had tears on her cheeks 'Could you forgive me? You're wrong; I'm the one to blame… if only they hadn't caught me so easily… Obito would still be with us and…and' she sobbed.

Kakashi looked startled at her. He never thought he would see Rin crying… she was always so sensible and composed.

'But Rin, what are you talking about?! It's my fault; I'm a jounin; I was our team leader- I should have protected you and Obito!' he could feel that overwhelming guilt clenching his throat again.

'But I'm a medic-nin, I should be wiser than that!'

'No, you can't blame yourself! If I had listened to Obito earlier, no one would be hurt!'

'It wouldn't change anything, you know it!'

'Than I should have been stronger and defeat those nins at once!'

'They shouldn't trapped me at the first place! It's my fault!'

'No, it's my fault!'

'No, mine!'

'Mine!'

'Mine!'

Suddenly, Rin laughed hysterically 'Are you aware how ridiculous must we sound?'

'Uh, yeah standing here and shouting…'

'No, standing here, in front of his grave, and quarrelling whose fault it was,' She wiped off her tears 'No more crying… we must be strong for him.'

The girl looked at him with determination 'Even though Obito passed away, I feel that he's with us…we're still a team, right?'

* * *

They were sitting on half-carved head of Yondaime. Since the work had been started, it was their favourite place. Kakashi looked at the sky ' Rin, Obito… Obito proved that I was wrong, that teamwork is essential for shinobi.' 

Now, he was staring directly at the girl, 'Rin, I will keep the promise I gave him… I will protect you.'

'No,' she shook her head 'we will protect each other.'

* * *

'Ne Rin, why are you so touchy today? Normally, I'm the one who growl at people. 

'Very funny. Say it again if you want to see what a medic can do with your limbs!'

'No, but really, what's going on? I'll help you; we are friends, aren't we?'

The girl sighted 'Yeah, yeah, we are. I can't believe I'm actually saying it but…it's my time of month.

'Um, what?'

'Menstruation, dammit!' she almost howled. 'Didn't you pay attention at Biology classes?!'

'Ah' he paused thoughtfully. 'Do you want to talk about it?'

* * *

'Rin, Rin, please hold on just a bit more. You can't faint, do you hear me?! Talk to me!' 

He was running frantically through the forest, holding his friend tightly.

'_Kakashi, watch out! They are coming from the right! Cover that wing; I'll protect the __wounded.'_

'_But Rin…'_

'_Just go!'_

_He run towards his enemies, uncovering his Sharingan. _

_Two behind the tree, one hiding with earth jutsu, five on the branches. _

_Kakashi took out his katana _'Don't fail me'.

_The teenager jumped on the branch and sliced the first one. Then, he turned round to cut the remaining four. One, two, three; he got a pretty serious wounds on an arm and thigh but missing nins were disarmed._

'_Where's the last one?' He scanned the forest, trying to ignore screams coming from the other side of forest- ANBU would take care of everything. _

'Faster, faster, dammit…yes, I've got him!'_ He quickly made seals for chidori. It would use almost all his chakra; however, they were to close to risk something else._

_His opponents were tough- he had to avoid massive amount of poisoned weapons and as a result lost his pace and only scratched a target. A dark-haired man just laughed 'Is it all you have, little boy?' Kakashi ignored him and tried to come up with some strategy. _

_Suddenly he heard calls from the glade. The boy felt shivers running down his spine _

'They are surrounding us. Must go back!'_ He made a few fake attacks to mistake them and after a second fell out on the glade._

_He froze- Rin and five wounded Leaf shinobi were fighting against seven missing nins- and with Kakashi's, it made eleven opponents._

'That's too much; we have to use some wide-range jutsu.'_ The boy sneaked closer to his team mate. _

'_Rin, I'll crawl and immobilise them with chakra strings. There's too many of them so we have just few seconds; on a signal you and others use fire jutsu, ok?' _

_She blocked shurikens flying towards them. 'Hai, just do it quickly.'_

_Kakashi nodded and made a clone to deceive missin-nins. He fell on the ground and for the first time he blessed his small body. The teenager crawled between enemies, trying to avoid their legs and all sharp objects._

'Uh, what a stupid plan I've made.'_ He slowly moved to the other side of glade and estimated the situation. 'Ok, this is it'-he pulled all strings outrageously 'Now!!'_

_The bang of explosion deafened nins' curses. _'Yes, we made it!'_ he sighted and leaned on a tree._

_But then, a nin who must have used some sort of barrier jutsu jumped out from the smoke and tossed on the group of Konoha shinobi. _

_Like in a slowed pace, he saw Rin kicking the man twice taller than she. He run towards them but was too far. He only could watch with horror as they fell on the ground. _

_Suddenly, there was a loud bang and then silence. _

'No, no, no, no, no, no, it can't be happening; I can't be late, not again!!!'

_He kneeled beside Rin; the panic crawled up his spine as he saw a wide tearing wound from an explosive tag in on her back 'Rin, say something; do you hear me?' _

'_Ka… kashi? Did… we win?' her voice was so weak; she had problems with breathing._

'_Yes, we did it. Everyone's safe now… Rin, please hold on, I'll take you to the medic point' _

_Kakashi tried to calm down. He lifted up the girl and looked at the rest 'Wait here, the backup will arrive soon'. They nodded and Kakashi disappeared in the forest. _

'Rin, Rin please wait just a bit more… it's so close… hold on, everything's gonna be all right,' he whispered with hoarse voice, trying to convince himself; Rin was gasping more and more heavily.

'Just a bit more… hold on… a bit more…' it was like a litany preventing him from collapsing. He felt that his all muscles were tense to its limits- and even though his sharingan was fully covered now, he was still running out of chakra.

'Kakashi? It's no use… that wound is too deep; I…' she chocked her blood '…I think my liver is completely damaged…and I've got broken rib-bones… they must have pierced the left lung'

'But Rin, were so close… they will heal you, you'll see'

She looked at him, suddenly fully conscious, 'Kakashi, don't you understand? It's over… it can't be healed… I'm a medic, I just k-know it' Rin shivered '… How strange… I'm so cold…but it's too early for winter'

The boy felt his panic rising. He kneeled and cut some material from his shirt to stop the blood.

'Rin, don't give up! Were almost there…Please, don't leave me!' Than he put off a jacket and wrapped it around Rin. But when he was about to stand up, she caught his hand

'Kakashi… please, stop… I don't have much time left… I want to say good bye properly' her voice sounded like it was coming from a large distant.

'No, Rin, you can't die… I can't lose you, too!' he couldn't hold his tears any more 'I've failed again… I couldn't protect you as I was supposed to… I'm so sorry… it's all my fault'

'You're wrong… we're a team, remember?... You praise teamwork now,' Kakashi smiled weakly under his mask '… but you still… have problem when… it comes to respect your comrades' Rin was breathing more and more heavily.

She paused to gather some energy. 'I did it b-because… I'm a medic and it as… my duty… to protect those people.'

'Rin… please don't die… You're my only friend' he whispered hugging her stronger and beginning to run again.

'I'm sorry… that I'm leaving you… but you must be strong… you're the last on from our team…please live for us, Kakashi.'

'Rin… I can't… I don't want to!'

'You have to, Kakashi… Arashi-sensei still needs you… the village...'

'But Rin…!' he exclaimed desperately; on the other hand, she was unnaturally calm.

'I'm sorry …' she repeated '… but… could you make… me a favour?'

'I'll do anything… just hold a bit more' he begged.

'I'd like to see… your face… just this time…' her voice was just a weak whisper.

Kakashi jerked his mask down. His vision was now blurry from exhaustion but he still could see her soft smile.

'Ah, to think… that we always wondered… if you're… deformed or… have scars …' she looked at him with eyes glittering from the fever 'But you're… an angel…senpai'

Kakashi forced himself to run faster- it seemed that Rin was falling in delirium _'Where are other medics?! I must find them before I'll faint or…' _suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted

'The stars…are so beautiful… tonight …' her voice sounded almost happily.

'I'll say… hello to Obito from you…'

It passed a few minutes before Kakashi realised that he was holding a dead body.

* * *

Kakashi repeated his flower- candle ritual and left the graveyard. He passed through the nearby forest and walked down a well-known path. 


	6. Memorial stone

The memorial stone. A monument of those who were killed in action and whose body was never found to make a proper funeral.

Also a memorial of all Hokages, because due to an old tradition, the bodies of leaders were burnt and their ashes scattered around Konoha.

'Obito'

'Sensei'

* * *

'Kakashi-kun, may I introduce you your new jounin-instructor, Kazama Arashi.' 

The boy looked at said man, scanning him from his sandals to spiky blond head.

'Nice to meet you, Sensei' he finally spoke with a hint if hesitation. 'You don't look like jounin at all; is some sort of joke or another test?' he wondered aloud.

Arashi chuckled and winked towards the thin little boy, who didn't even reach his hips. 'You know, kiddo, this is exactly what I've been thinking.'

* * *

'Ok, the training is over now. What are you going to do, Kakashi-kun?' 

The boy looked at him with surprise. 'You ask weird questions, Sensei. I'll go home and train, naturally' he said as it was the most obvious thing under the sun.

'Ah, I understand…so you don't have any specific plans for this evening, that's great.'

'But sensei, I do have plans! I'm gonna...'

'In that case,' Arashi raised his voice, not even bothering to let the boy finish '…I'm taking you out for some ramen!' he grinned happily. Kakashi tried to refrain from sighing and sound as condemning as a six-year-old can do.

'Sensei, I don't want to question your eating habits. However, I'm sure that eating ramen as often as you do, just can't be healthy,' the boy allowed himself to pout a little 'Besides, I don't even like ramen that much; can't we really go and eat something else?'

Arashi ruffled boy's hair which caused another irritated sigh. 'But my little student, who said anything about eating? The ramen stall is right in the centre and in the evenings there are hordes of beautiful chicks!' he exclaimed with joy.

'He?' Kakashi was utterly confused 'And what _I'm_ there for?'

'Nah, you're so undeniable cute and charming that I'll just use you as dating bait for chicks, aha ha ha ha!_'_

'Sensei!!!'

* * *

Arashi was anxious; or it was what he had been telling himself. In fact, he was anxious _and_ depressed _and_ scared. 

Anxious, because Kakashi hasn't spoke more than ten words since his father funeral.

It has been five days already

Depressed, because he had no idea what to do next. And it was clear, that he hadn't done enough.

Arashi hated being helpless.

Scared, because boy's eyes were dark and empty. He desperately waited for the tiniest hint of emotions- but there was nothing.

His little cute and energetic student had become a doll. He only slept, walked, do the orders and answered direct questions.

And train.

Kakashi had always trained hard. But now, in a mature age of seven, he was on the best way to become a serious workaholic.

The blond scratched his hair and sighed miserable. He was standing in front of Kakashi's apartment, not exactly certain about the next move. Earlier that morning he was almost scoffed while trying to invite boy for a ramen.

'Well, it can't be helped' Arashi murmured to himself and entered the hall. It was still unbelievable how Kakashi could live in such ugly and unpleasant place. Although in that state of mind it was also doubtful, whether the boy had even noticed it. Probably he just wanted to be as far from Hatake mansion as possible.

'Kakashi-kun, it's me, Arashi. May I come in?' as expected, there was no response. The man sighed and pulled out his spare key- the only concession he obtained after boy had coolly refused to move to Arashi's own apartment.

He found the boy sitting on the bed and cleaning his weapons. Arashi sat quietly beside. _'Ok, when all clever psychological tricks failed, it's time for pure honesty.'_

'Listen Kakashi… I know how hard times you have' _what a big euphemism _'And probably nothing I said could comfort you even a little.'

Kakashi didn't even bother to look at him.

'Even so, we've known each other for almost two years now…and despite the age gap, I consider you as my friend' Arashi made a deep breathe and continue. 'Kakashi… I just care for you too much to leave it and do nothing. Please, don't shut yourself like this…don't become a ruthless machine.'

The man leaned forward and gently hugged the boy. 'Above all, you're a human; don't forget about it' he whispered. 'And I'll always be here to help you, I promise' he vowed, praying for any reaction from motionless Kakashi.

And than, after a few minutes, the boy relaxed and leaned his head on Arashi's shoulder. He still didn't respond to a hug or say anything, but it was some beginning.

* * *

That night, Death walked through streets of Konoha. 

The power of Nine-tail Fox was overwhelming. Villagers did they best but no one could fight with a berserk demon. His tails and claws crushed everything, causing fires and earth quakes.

'Kakashi, you and your platoon must help at the north gates.'

'Hai, sensei. We'll keep that position' the teenager saluted and turned round, but Arashi hold his arm.

'Kakashi…' the blue eyes were full of concern '…no matter what will happen you must be strong… for me and for Konoha. Can you promise it? That you won't give up and live on?'

'Sensei, why you're asking me this?' Suddenly he realised. 'What are you going to do?'

'All I have to do to save the village. I'm sorry, but there's no time to explain' he made a deep breath. 'It may be difficult for you… but please, do it for me.'

'I promise, sensei' There was nothing more to say.

Yondaime smiled gently 'Thank you, Kakashi. Now go.'

* * *

'We gathered here to honour the greatest hero of Konoha, the man who saved us all…' Sandaime-sama continued but Kakashi stop listening. 

_Konoha's White Flash_

_Kazama Arashi_

_Yondaime Hokage_

'_Why did you make a vow that you couldn't keep?' _the sorrow clenched his throat so hard that he couldn't breathe.

'_You lied to me, Arashi-sensei.' _

* * *

'Ohaio, Sensei, Rin-chan, _Kakashi_' Obito twitched when he spoke other boy's name 'What a nice day, don't you think?' 

'Obito, you're late again' Arashi sighed with disapproval '…and it's been the fourth time this week. And it's just Wednesday, mind you' the blond still had a condemning look but his eyes were smiling. 'What story do you have this time?'

The Uchiha boy scratched his head and laugh sheepishly 'Ah, I'm sorry but this time I really have a good excuse. You see, my mother was baking cookies for tomorrow festival and I just had to wait a little until they were ready to take' he took out a small package and put it on a flat stone.

'It's said that they bring good luck. Here you go.'

After a while the whole team was gorged itself on dainties. Well, almost the whole- Kakashi shrugged and start polishing his shurikens.

'And what about you? Mister I-am-already-a-chunnin is too good to eat a mere cookie?'

Obito seemed to feel offended that someone dared not to appreciate his sweets. 'Or maybe you think that there's something not right with my mother baking, huh?'

The silver-haired boy rolled his eyes. 'You're a paranoid. Besides, keeping your body in good condition is vital to survive as a ninja. And in my opinion, cookies aren't the healthiest possible food you could bring as an excuse for being so extremely late' he said with malice and prepared for usual attack.

However, it never came. Obito sighed heavily with a mock sadness. 'Man, no wonder why you're so boring' he waved a cookie just in front of Kakashi's face. 'Eat it' he demanded.

'Eat, or a whole Uchiha clan will come to avenge the disrespect you showed to our perfect baking.'

When Kakashi finally took a cookie and looked at it with distrust, Obito laughed loudly.

'Gosh, it's just a cookie; it won't kill you, you know?'

* * *

'Listen, you two, I know I said that bonding between team-mates is really important …' Arashi gave them a tired look '…but I would appreciate it if you did that in a different way than beating yourself to the ground and actually…biting?' 

He sighed with resignation 'Kakashi, move that leg from Obito's throat; Obito, please stop pulling his hair. In case of this, you'll sharpen all our weapons and clean the camp. Maybe doing dirty work together will teach you something.'

'But, Sensei, it was his fault! He was insulting me; he told that I'm a useless weakling!' the raven-haired boy sulked. Kakashi, on the other hand, remained impassive.

'You started with that babbling about Sharingan' he said coldly. 'Besides, you _are _a weakling; I took you down in less than one minute.'

'You…you were just lucky! Next time I'll certainly beat you down!'

Kakashi just rolled his eyes 'Dream on. But in the end it's you who always lays on the ground.'

'Bastard! I'll show you!'

_But he didn't show that time or the next one. Even though, he kept on standing up and trying- again and again, with never-ending hope of winning._

_Even if Kakashi had almost broke his arm and threw him to a muddy pond._

_Even if he had lost to Kakashi in nearly 10 seconds, right in front of Rin's eyes. _

_Even if he had forgotten to bring proper weapons with him and had to use Kakashi's spare ones- and that was really humiliating; he was a ninja for Kami's sake!_

_None of these or many other events prevented him from trying once again. _

_Obito simply refused to give up._

* * *

'I'm the only one who didn't give you a present…' 

'I can become your eye… and from now on, I will see future with you.'

'The sharingan of mine…'

* * *

'There are no words to express how I miss you two' Kakashi lighted the last two candles and watched as a warm shimmer lighted up the carved letters. Normally he would stay there much longer, recalling and mourning his lost comrades; but that night was supposed to be different. 

The man put on his bag and headed for his last stop- Konoha's hills, the highest spot in the village.

The closest place to the sky and heaven.

The closest place to stars and his lost friends.

He increased his pace and run through the silent forest.


	7. Beneath the sky

Kakashi looked down at the sleeping city. It was perfect- at that crazy hour no one would disturb him. He sat near the abyss and took out the bottle of sake.

Normally he didn't even come close to alcohol- his terribly weak head combined with the tendency to have nightmarish flashbacks had led to some embarrassing accidents, which he'd like to erase from his memory.

But now, every help was welcomed. Trying to make some life-time changes is not what you do every day.

The man sighed, fully aware how ridiculous his actions were. Nonetheless, a little rendezvous with his friends and family was still the best idea he had came to.

'All right, ladies and gentlemen. We've gathered tonight to decide what to do with not-so-happy life of Hatake Kakashi, age 26' he took small sip of sake made a toast towards the sky.

'It's a night of confessions and forgotten memories, the night of paying debts and examinations of conscience… well, at least my own poor conscience' the jounin chuckled but it was a sad laugh.

'I assume that everyone's here so we can start personal issues. If there are no objections, I'll do it chronological.'

'First, Mother and aunt Mitchiru, the women of my childhood… Hm, even though it's been so long time, I don't have much to say. I still love you as much as I did as a kid… you made my early years so wonderful. I wish I could somehow make up for it.'

'Next, Grandpa' he made another toast. 'Well, pretty everything I said to mom and auntie goes to you as well. However, the situation is a bit more complicated as you were also my first sensei' he sighed heavily.

'And I betrayed our code and your learning. Which made you the first man I failed, don't you agree? Forgive me, Grandpa. I'll do everything to put it right.'

'It's just that what happened to father was too much to me. Maybe I was too young or not strong enough…'

'It leads us to you, Father. There are so many things I'd like to say to you…'

'I've always loved you so much. You were my greatest hero and I was so proud of you… so proud that I even didn't mind that you were never home… that you tended to forget about everything not connected with your missions or family business… like my birthday, for example' Kakashi smiled gently. 'Heh, honestly, you've got really funny face that time…'

'But I'm making digressions… The point is that I desperately wanted to make you proud of me as well, to be worth our name...'

'And then that fatal mission came and everything changed… _you_ changed, Father, in a way I couldn't understand.'

'The path you eventually chose… I hated you because of this, hated so strongly. It destroyed everything I believed in, everything that was valuable in my life.'

'But most of all, I hated you because you left me alone…how could you, Father? I felt that you betrayed me… and now, when I think about it, that hatred was my only defence from falling into despair…'

'I cut off from every single thing connected with you or our family… foolish, I know. But what did you expect? I was just seven and you left me without a word, without any guidance… I swore to myself that I won't make your mistakes… that I won't end lying on the floor with tantõ in my guts.'

_Shinobi don't cry…_

_The sons of suicides don't cry… _

'The ninja rules became everything for me… which led to another tragedy' Kakashi closed his eyes. 'I was really obsessive… I still am. But it's not your fault, Father, just my own defect of character.'

'It took me long time and a help from my team to forgive you, to understand that you just didn't want to burden me with your disgrace and shame…'

'Therefore I want to apologise you for being so blind for all those years, so damn stubborn…I really can't blame you for the will to pure our name… and being a very rational kid, I forgave you everything a long time ago' the man paused.

'_Hope that it's mutual; hope that you're listening.'_

'Although I still think that you could make it in a different way… It wasn't necessary, Father… you didn't have to go; we would survive it together.'

'_We would still be a family.'_

Kakashi took another sip 'On the other hand, there's high probability that I would do exactly the same thing if I were you… And it was the hardest thing to forgive- because of you, a suicide became a real option to me, the fate I desperately wanted to avoid.'

'_But_, thinking objectively, it's really cheap price for all those joyful memories. And I can't forget that you're with mother now, right? You're my parents and all I want for you is: _and they live happily ever after' _he spoke in a singsong manner.

_My dad is with my mum now. They are in a wonderful place. They are very happy. _

'Soooo… Obito, I guess you're next. Well than, hello, how are you today? All these years I've been talking to you, as it could help me with bearing that overwhelming feeling of guilt… I've been telling myself that by visiting the memorial and standing there for hours I'm keeping faith to you…'

'What a bullshit, don't you agree?' he said melancholically. 'The sad truth is that nothing I've done can make up for the past.'

'I owe you more that my life… Because of sharingan I was useful for the village...and once I had no family, it was everything for me.'

'But above all, you helped me to become more human, to reconcile with the past… even made me believe in my father again.'

'And I killed you, Obito. You died because of my own stupidity and weakness…'

'How is possible that even then, you didn't give up and still thought about your team and village?' Kakashi raised his voice, drunken with sake and but even more with despair.

'Why did you always keep on smiling in that hopeful, unnerving way of you… even when you were dying under that bloody rock?!' he furiously threw away his sake cup. That childish act calmed him a bit.

'Sorry for this, Obito… It's just I owe you so much and I have an awful feeling that I failed you completely… it's not the future you wanted to see, did you? I wish I could be more like you…maybe I didn't make all those mistakes…'

'_Maybe Rin would still be alive.'_

'Rin-chan… I owe you as much as Obito, you know? You were my friend, the first person around my age I really talked to… I loved talking with you… I wonder if you ever noticed how much…'

'You were always so kind for everyone... for me… even though I never truly deserved it. I remember when you start teaching me your medical jutsu… you said that medic-nins are more sensible than others, and it was high time for me to gain some common sense.'

'And like Obito, you have never stopped smiling… you had really beautiful smile'

'Rin, there wasn't a day I wouldn't curse myself for not keeping my promise and letting you die. Or even caused your death, because you followed my plan. I can't stop blaming myself… although you probably see it differently.'

'I miss you two so much…I wonder if we were still friends.'

'Rin, I know that you had a crush on me… but I'm sure that Obito has made you fall for him already. You would be really wonderful couple, you know? And you deserved the best, believe me.'

_My friends are happy. They are laughing and dancing joyfully together._

'And now you, Sensei… the last one from our team. What I can say to you? Every time I see your face on the monument I miss you so much… You were my sensei for almost eight years; you're the one who made me a shinobi… '

'You were like a father for me, Arashi-sensei. For all these years I've been trying to imitate you… to be as good ninja and a man as you…'

'Although I can't say that I'm even a step closer to that ideal…'

'_The Shodaime and Nidaime taught Sandaime who taught the Sannins. Jirayia taught you, Sensei… and now Tsunade is Godaime and teaches Sakura… Naruto travels with Jirayia…'_

'_And you taught me, Yondaime-sama'_

'Don't you think that I don't fit that all-mighty group, Sensei? Not strong enough… not brave enough… Do you think that I still could change?'

He laughed and answered his own question: 'Of course, you do. You always believed in people… Naruto inherited it, you know? That faith in people… He has it all; yours and Yuki-sama.'

'Eh, it's been so long time, Yuki-sama… and I even didn't have a chance to say goodbye to you.'

He looked at the sky 'You were always so nice for me… You helped me a lot when I felt lost after Obito's death; helped me to open and showed how to live between people.'

'I'm very grateful for this, Yuki-sama. And for all the time you spent with me… I wish I could do something to pay for your kindness… You were really important for me, even though I've known you for less than two years… I think I've even combined you with those few memories about my mother… hope that you don't mind.'

_My sensei and his beautiful wife live in the heaven now. They proudly watch their son._

'Well, this is it. I thank and apologise to all of you… Now to the present times.'

'Hmm, where should I start from? I guess that my ex-team is the most urgent problem… Can you really imagine this? I'm the man who lost his entire team twice; _twice,_ for the god's sake!'

'And I was just asking for this… Even you must admit that I was a shitty teacher. They're such great kids… and I failed them completely. Funny, don't you think? I had the best senseis I could: you, Grandpa, Father, Arashi-sensei…the best model to follow… and I couldn't keep them together.'

'Sasuke's gone to Orochimaru. Why to that damn pedophile, from all people? If only I had defeated him… If I was able to protect Sasuke from his freak brother… I can only imagine how he fucked up his mind' he sighed.

'The worst thing is that I _knew_ that it might happen one day; I knew that Sasuke wants to avenge his family more than anything else, and still did nothing. Of course, he wouldn't listen to anything said… but it's a pathetic excuse.'

'He has no family…and I was his bloody teacher, his superior Fuck, I should have dragged him to Ibiki, locked in a cell and brainwashed, until he would come to his senses again.'

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

'But my physical weakness is only part of the problem… The truth is that I don't really deserve their respect and trust… If they knew what I've done…'

_(Screams and cracks of broken bones filled the forest. The blood covered everything: his hands, his weapon, his hair. He looked up and laughed like a madman -even the sky and the moon were red from blood) _

Kakashi shook his head.

'Sometimes I feel like a marionette, flinging aimlessly on the scene' he whispered. 'No matter what I do, I always fail… it's like an ancient tragedy, don't you think?'

'A hero desperately wants to avoid mistakes of disgraced ancestor… He does everything in a different way… but no one can avoid his fate. He ends following his father's steps… but it's too late… and he looses his friends.'

'How ironic…'

_Your team or your mission…_

_Friends or your duties…_

'Firstly I obsessively followed shinobi rules…and then the rule you told me, Obito…'

_Those who betray shinobi rules are scum; but those who betray friends are even bigger scum…_

'They say that I praise teamwork more than anything else… they're so wrong. _You_ did it, Obito… and I'm just imitating you… repeating those words like mantra.'

'As if it could prevent from losing more friends and comrades…'

'_As it could prevent from pain…'_

'But there are no ultimate rules or laws; nothing to rely on…apart your own reason. But holding that responsibility requires lots of courage… and behind my nonchalantly and my book, I'm a coward.'

'It's pitiful, I know… All these years I've been lying to myself that I'm keeping distance because I don't want to hurt anybody… and I was simply scared of being hurt again.'

'_Of failing and being the one to blame...'_

'And I end like this, losing people who are important for me again.' The man clenched his fists and looked at the stars with determination.

'I was wrong; I admit it. And I'm fed up of living in fear. Being with Naruto and the others… they so strongly remind me all of you. That determination of achieving impossible dreams and goals…'

'And against the odds, they are really doing it…' he smiled with disbelief, 'really winning.'

'It makes me feel so old when I'm watching them… there's almost 14 years difference. Funny; I've always been the youngest between my comrades… and now, I see myself a passing generation.'

'All of them are so talented… they're going to surpass me and take my place if I stay like this… Sometimes I feel so tired and that thought is even alluring.'

_Exhaustion…_

'On the other hand, I'm only 26. It's not that young for a ninja… but also far too early to retire, looking at Sandaime, Tsunade or Jirayia… And you, Auntie had 37 when you died and still was invincible and full of energy. So it can't be that bad with me…'

'I was terrible teacher and fail my team… but hell, I'm gonna be the best superior and senpai they could have. I owe it to them… they gave me hope again.'

'_Hope that you can win against all obstacles and tomorrow will be better. Hope that you can achieve your goals…'_

'I live a life without dreams… you were gone and I didn't have anything to dream about. I've always thought that my life was awful… However, it can't that bad if I had the chance to be with you.'

'And it's not like we won't meet again one day, don't you agree?... I can't face you

like this; there are so many things I still haven't done.'

'You lent me your lives and say that you want me to live for you… But this is not the life you'd like to have… It has to be changed. I hold your legacy… your learning, plans…your love to the village… and you mean too much for me to let it deteriorate.'

'I want you to be proud of me' Kakashi smiled to the stars. 'I know that it's a hard work to satisfy all of you, but I'm not gonna move back.'

He looked over the silent town. It looked so peacefully- an island of buildings surrounded by mass of green. 'I'll protect Konoha in your name… I'll become stronger and defeat our enemies. I don't care how strong they seem… I will be better than them.'

'_One day I'll become a Hokage and show all of you!'_

'When I heard those words for the firs time, I just smiled under my mask. But now… I want to become a Sage. And it's a life-time promise.'

'I won't run away from the past… I will follow Hatake code and your learning. I'll start using our techniques again and learn the new ones. I'll regain white chakra… Right now, my chakra capabilities are awfully low because of sharingan, but I'll find solution for this, as well.'

'Rin, I will learn medical jutsu for you… I remember how you insisted on it. To never be helpless…'

'_You fight for Konoha…but it's not just buildings or some abstractive idea. The village is made of people who live there…people who are linked by the bonds of love and friendship…and the will of fire.'_

'Yeah, yeah, I didn't forget it, Sensei' Kakashi waved his hand impatiently. 'I know how important it is… I promise I'll change my character, too.'

'Although to be honest, there isn't much to change… rather to build from the basis. They said that children raised on the battlefield are the lost generation; quite true, actually… And whenever you passed away, it was like losing part of me. In the end, there was very little left.'

'When I was in ANBU it wasn't so visible… but those two last years on the boarders, and later, when they put me back to jounin ranks… I felt so empty… almost like there was nobody behind the mask.'

'But I had to deal with people, somehow. So I kept distance… and created a dummy, which was a combination of your antics; like Obito's being late, for example. But even though its origins are good, it's still a fake…'

'Following that line of thought, the last time I was fully composed and myself must've been when I was somewhere around 4… before your deaths, Auntie, Grandpa.'

'Hmm, let's see… how was I as a child? Cheerful, joyful, curious of everything, enthusiastic, compassionate, hardworking… Unbelievable, but it seemed that I had no flaws' he winked towards the moon.

'Maybe it's not much…but sufficient for the beginning. I'll be more open… and show my friends that I care for them. And I'll be kind for everyone… it can't be that difficult if I did it as a child…'

'I'll sing more for you, Mum.'

'I'll be the man you wanted me to be… and just for this time, I want to believe that everything's gonna be alright.' Kakashi laughed lightly 'Heh, it's almost like I borrowed a part of Naruto's enthusiasm… quite big part, mind you.'

'I know it won't be that easy… and that chances of achieving everything I mentioned are less than little… but I'm fed up of holding back and being so realistic whole the time. I want to look hopefully in the future again.'

'Besides, to prevent from losing faith, we can always make a deal; what do you think?' He took out a kunai from his bag and made a cut on his hand. 'I've read somewhere that the most important deals are always sealed with blood' he explained to the stars.

Kakashi watched the sky with a cheerful smile, for the first time fully reconciled with the past and himself. He hadn't felt so light for ages.

'I will live for you… and promise to never give up. And you… dream for me, all right?'

'_Minako, Mitchiru, Tetsurou, Sakumo, Obito, Rin, Arashi, Yuki…dream for me.'_

'Well than, vacations are over. We won't be able to spend so much time at the memorial, Obito…' he smirked 'but I know you won't mind. Ha, you probably think that it's high time… But you don't have to worry… none of you do. I'll work hard… my obsessive character will be finally useful.'

Kakashi stood up and took two swords. He hung katana on his back and fastened tantõ to the belt. 'It's been a long time…' he whispered moving his hand over the shiny blade. 'From now, we'll always fight together.'

_His father's fang, symbol of great past._

_The katana made by his grandfather, destined to him from his birth; embodying the pride and hopes of his family._

_Symbol of future._

'You will be proud of me'

And with salute to the stars, he started training. The air filled with whistles of katana's blade and gentle steps. Old, half-forgotten katas, created by his ancestors… The moves not seen in the village for almost 20 years… Even if his mind forgot them, his body and soul remembered them well.

'_I'll be strong for you.'_

A few hours later, a dawn began. The sun slowly rose, announcing another beautiful day in Konoha. As usual, birds were first to wake up. After a few minutes, their happy voices were muffed by shouts of children and shopkeepers opening their stalls. Usual morning noise filled the streets.

Kakashi kept on training.

**THE END**


End file.
